


Company

by Sleepy_prince48



Category: Devil Detective, Original Work
Genre: Lucifer's past is hard for him, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-09 03:06:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16441820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sleepy_prince48/pseuds/Sleepy_prince48
Summary: Lucifer realises Lisirm's company is what he's been searching for after a major panic attack.





	Company

A most horrid thing it was, to be alone.

Alone, quivering on the floor, memories flashing past his eyes. Alone, curled up on the ground, without his wings. Alone, dreadfully so, in his castle, in his study, in his bed, when fear would overtake him without reason. He hated it.

Only whilst working would he be able to avoid that horrid feeling. Lucifer wouldn't complain about it nor give up to panic. The small chance that his enemies would see was enough for him to keep composure. He wouldn't give them another reason to taunt him.

Those times, he illuded his fear's grasp, but other times it constantly hovered over him and grabbed him at all the wrong times, today was no exception.

Lucifer's hands trembled against the doorknob, having only just closed it. He felt nauseous, dangerously so. His head was spinning. At least now, he was far from prying eyes. He could give up now, his careful lie could untangle, there was no need to hold it in, far away from anyone, nobody would know. However, collapsing against the door was simply unacceptable. He did his best to reach his desk on shaky legs, but the king was unable to carry himself any further and did not fall into his chair, but the floor by the desk instead.

His hand was much to hot against the cold wood. He tried to catch his breath but to no avail. A lump in his throat made it too hard, his tie wasn't helping. He clawed at the tie until he felt the fabric give way, then wrenched it off without a second thought. Lucifer had no idea where he threw it but did it matter?

"F...fuck..." He had to get himself together. Had to regain composure. He was breathing too fast - was he even breathing?- he tried to focus on his lungs, tried to make them work normally again. Inhale... Exhale... Inhale--

Images flashed in his mind- a torchlit room -"I'm sorry, Lucifer." - a scream, darkness everywhere, consuming him. A violent shot of adrenaline coursed through his chest. His lungs messed up again, his breathing too shallow, too fast.

Too much, it was too much.

Lucifer gripped his hair, his fingers dug into his scalp, his face was hidden by his forearms. Something- someone- was waiting for him, they wanted to hurt him, they were going to get him. His heart was beating too heavily, the blood rushing in his ear was too loud. He couldn't hear, he was going to suffocate!

"No..." Too much, he couldn't do it, unbearable loneliness. "Please..." His fingers, tangled into his hair, began to wrench it out. Lucifer was sobbing, his lips were quivering, the taste of saltwater was much too strong.

The hardest part was here. Solitude. Lucifer knew that no one would come. No one would help. Few had seen him in this state, those few had abandoned him. No, no one would help, for no one wanted to.

This king curled in on himself, a tight bundle of nervous energy and a mouth full of tears. It would eventually ease- He just had to wait... Wait.

A sudden, unfamiliar weight on his shoulder startled him. He lifted his head toward the shadow bent over him. Though his bleary eyes, he could make out a blue shape.

"Your Highness..."

Lucifer blinked, a familiar face was brought to view- short tousled hair, two bright eyes looking for his, soft blue skin and two diamond earrings. A familiar face, with worried features. Shocked, Lucifer had stopped crying, in favour of staring at the man in front of him.

"Your Highness, you're shaking, are you alright...?" If he had the energy, Lucifer might've scolded the secretary for coming in without permission. Under other circumstances, he would've had control, would've been working, of focused, the man might've even bothered him.

But under other circumstances, Lisirim wouldn't have found him as a pathetic heap on the floor, all kingliness gone, not a shred of it left, breathless and wheezing. Under other circumstances, Lucifer wouldn't have leant against him. But under these circumstances, all Lucifer wanted was to feel Lisirim's presence.

When the king pressed his sweaty forehead against Lisirim's coat, two delicate hands moved to hold his arms to rub against them soothingly. 

"It's alright, your highness, take your time, I'm here." Lisirim's voice was firm and steady when paced with the careful gesture against Lucifer's arms, but something still felt wrong, he knew he was still breathing to fast. He grabbed hold of the secretary's coat, fingers shaking against the fabric, chest still rising much too fast.

"It's okay..." Lisirim whispered, agile hands moving to caress Lucifer's back. Lucifer froze, he was too close to his wings or more appropriately, where his wings used to be. But with a deep breath, Lucifer decided it was okay. Lisirm's patience with the king paid off, he soon stopped quivering, Lisirim's palms worked gently against his back, they felt odd against ruined skin, even though fabric, but it did it's job in dispelling his fears, letting the king relax against his subordinate.

"D'you feel better, your highness?" Slowly, the king nodded against the folds of Lisirim's pristine coat. The man's smell was so familiar, so calming.  
"Ah-- good, you had me worried, a good thing you didn't lock the door--"  
"The.. The door!" The king suddenly sat up straight, looking for something over the secretary's shoulder.  
"I locked it." Lisirim immediately reassured him.

Lucifer blinked slowly, so nobody else would see him like this? "That... That's good, thank you." He winced at the sound of his hoarse voice, how pathetic.

"Would you like something to drink, your highness? Tea, perhaps?" Lisirim's hands stopped wondering over his back. The secretary turned, poised to stand, poised to leave him.  
"No! Don't..." Before Lucifer finished his sentence, his secretary's intrigued eyes met his, suddenly he was unable to look at him.

"Don't go..." He begged, voice no more than a mere whisper, blue eyes stared at the floor.

There was a moment of nothingness, Lucifer couldn't believe how pathetic he was being. But suddenly, Lisirim was embracing him again, the two were back into the positions they were only moments ago, without thinking twice. Cautiously, Lisirim's hands petted Lucifer's hair, there were no objections, so, with Lucifer's silent agreement, Lisirim kept stroking his hair, his soft touches relieved the skin Lucifer attacked earlier.

"It's okay, your Highness, I'm here, I won't leave." The king nodded vaguely.

Something was off... Why...?

"Why aren't you laughing, Mr Ilimi?" He felt Lisirim's questioning eyes on him, but did not look at him, he wasn't brave enough.  
"Why would I laugh, your highness?" The hand against his jaw must have felt Lucifer's teeth clench, for Lisirim's fingers immediately began rubbing soothing circles into his cheekbone.  
"I... I have many enemies..." Lucifer replied, they wanted to see him weak to make fun of him.  
"Am I your enemy?" Lisirim asked tentatively. His finger against his cheekbone stopped if only for a moment, their course quickly resumed.  
"...No." Lisirm smiled softly, bring Lucifer closer to his chest.  
"Don't worry, your highness, no soul will be told." The king wrapped his arms around Lisirim's neck, clinging to him as if he could be any closer.  
"Thank you--  
No need to thank me, your highness." The secretary pushed Lucifer's hair out of his face, his finger gently ran through it. He said it again, "Thank you..."

Every time a crisis occurred, Lucifer had wished desperately for a presence. He never thought it would happen, so the presence never had a face. It stayed a ghost, a fantasy, a dream, until now. Now it had a face, Lisirim...

Still, it was hard to believe Lisirim was real. Yet, he was here, his coat held tightly between Lucifer's fingers.

"Your Highness?"  
"Hmm...?" Worn out, Lucifer had closed his eyes, rocked by Lisirim's rhythmic breathing.  
"What happened?" Lucifer clamped up, like when Lisirim had touched his scars, but like then, he relaxed, he could trust Lisirim, he didn't know why, but he could.  
"I had a panic attack," Lucifer told him, voice hoarse and quiet.  
"Does it happen often?" Lisirim asked, his voice was soothing against Lucifer's ears.  
"Unfortunately." The king sighed bitterly.  
"If it happens again, you can call me. I'll help if you'd like."

Lucifer's breath caught in his throat, yes, yes he'd like that a lot. But...

"I don't understand, Mr Ilimi. Why.." He paused, making sure his words were phrased correctly, "Why do you want to help?"

Lisirim chuckled and Lucifer knew that, if he weren't occupying the secretary's arms, the man would've scratched the back of his skull, an embarrassed gesture of his.

"As much as people want to believe it, you're not mean, sometimes you can be cold, but you're never unfair or cruel. I respect you, and I want to help you." The king found himself smiling, he of all people knew how zealous Lisirim could be.

"When I hear what some people say about you... It drives me mad!" Lisirim continued, frustrated, "They have no right! Most don't even know you! How can they judge you? They're probably jealous..."

The world was simpler when viewed by Lisirim, he was smart and kind, but somewhat naive. Lucifer didn't want to ruin his purity, he did not correct the other man.

"I am honoured to work with you..." Lucifer tried to pretend the heat in his cheeks wasn't there, he wasn't ready to admit he was blushing, in fact, it was probably fatigue.  
"Don't say those silly things..." The king fiddled with the fabric underneath his fingers.  
"But, You Highness, I'm--  
Mr Ilimi." Lucifer moved away, just a little bit, from Lisirim, risking a quick glance at him, all of the man's attention was solely on Lucifer.

"Could you..." The lump in Lucifer's throat was back, it wasn't easy to request this, he felt foolish. But, he wanted Lisirim's embrace. "Could you stay a little longer?"

Lucifer spoke quickly, voice betraying his distress in spite of himself. Lisirim grinned as if he had just been blessed making Lucifer curse the lack of control he had over his own body.

"You're so cute, your Highness."  
Lucifer's eyes snapped wide open, for a moment he simply spluttered, "Excuse me?!"  
"Oh--! That is to say..." Lisirim answered his king's shock with a sheepish smile. "That is to say, of course, I can stay...?"  
Lucifer rolled his eyes, "Really now? Mr Ilimi, I suggest you think before you--" A yawn interrupted Lucifer and Lisirim winced.  
"You should rest, would you like me to carry you to your couch?" The dual-haired man shook his head, he didn't want to leave Lisirim's arms.  
"No, it wouldn't be reasonable to sleep now. Just a moment, please..."

Without a second thought, Lucifer leaned against Lisirim again, his temple at the other man's collarbone. Lisirim's arms became slightly tighter around him, Lucifer's eyes closed on their own.

"Mr Ilimi."  
"Yes?"  
Lucifer attempted to meet Lisirim's eyes, his eyelids fluttering in their struggle.

"I am..." Could he say 'Glad you're here'? It wouldn't seem strange, would it? No... People say it all the time, " I am glad you're here."  
Lisirim gave him a tender smile, " It's my pleasure, I'll do everything in my power to help you."  
His highness closed his eyes, head heavy and mind foggy with exhaustion."I'm sincere, Lisirim..."

The first time his Highness said his name, it had him smiling gleefully, but Lucifer was already dozing off.  
"I know you are, rest easy now... I'll be here when you wake up."  
The king felt safe, he felt alright, thanks to Lisirim.

Thank you, Lisirim.


End file.
